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Aug 26, 2008 - 6:54 AM - by Jimmors | If the 2008 NFL Teams were movies...
By Jimmors
Grab your popcorn and jujube's because Jimmors will break down the blockbusters of the NFL in 2008, starting with the NFC:
NFC North
Chicago Bears
Plot: Grizzled newcomer Chris Williams has a new injury. But its an old injury. Its a new injury that trumps the old injury. Its not an injury. Its a government conspiracy. Ah this one is too easy, and maybe someday they will be a REAL boy:
Bonus Trivia: Lovie Smith plays Jiminy Cricket.
Green Bay Packers
Plot: Oft-crazy old...[Read More] |
8 Replies | 200 Views  | | 7-9..Oh No?? | |
Jul 25, 2008 - 12:15 AM - by Jimmors | | | 7-9..Oh No??
By Jimmors
Rewind the clock to 2006. Everyone in Bears nation was basking in the glow of our remarkable 13-3 season and eventually crushed by the heart breaking loss in the Super Bowl. Yes, it was heart breaking. Don't try and deny that when Hester ran back that kickoff for a TD, you thought it was our destiny to win that game. Expectations were high for the Bears in 2007, only to see them "collapse" into a 7-9 record, last in their division. I used quotes around the word collapse because it seems that anytime someone mentions the 2007 Bears, they make it sound like the worst you can do in football is hit 7-9. The Bears have been relegated to the...[Read More] | |
14 Replies | 459 Views | | Bears 2008 Outlook | |
Jun 30, 2008 - 10:06 PM - by Jimmors | Bears 2008 Outlook
by Jimmors
June and early July are traditionally the slooooooowwwwest month for news and activity in the NFL, so I will use this time to give a recap of what lies in store for the Bears with their schedule and how the additions and subtractions will impact them going into training camp and the 2008 season.
Lets start with individual positions, and the most controversial one to boot:
Quarterbacks
(-)Brian Griese
(+)Nick Hill
(+)Caleb Hanie
Rex Grossman
Kyle Orton
QB is a revolving door in...[Read More] | |
9 Replies | 802 Views | | A Tale of Two DEs | |
Apr 09, 2008 - 4:46 PM - by Jimmors | A Tale of Two DEs
By Brian Sickler
DBZ reporter
Everyone loves tales, and this one is about 2 historic Defensive Ends in the NFL. The first of which had a career of 11 years in the NFL, in which he had an estimated 100 sacks (although some estimates put that number at 93), a season high of 17.5 sacks in one year, 1 career Interception, a 2 time All-Pro, 2 time All-AFC player, 2 time All-NFC player, 2 Superbowl Championships, and 4 time Pro Bowl selection.
The second Defensive End had a 15 year career in the NFL, 137.5 sacks, 8 career...[Read More] | |
12 Replies | 1,110 Views | | Stupor Bowl XLII Winners & Losers | |
Feb 04, 2008 - 3:57 PM - by onemanswarm | Winner: Eli Manning. It physically hurt me to type that. And I don't mean carpal tunnel or some literal shit. I'm talking deep, soul-crushing pain. Han-Solo-being-bent-over-Darth Vader's-torture-table, knowing-that-his-woman-is-getting-cornholed-by-an-Imperial-rapedroid kind of pain. Darth-Vader, thinking-the-same-thing-but-about-his-daughter, and-he-can't-show-his-emotion-because-he's-supposed-to-be-this hard-hearted, pipe-hittin' Sith-motherf*cker-and-he-just-can't-remember-how-to-stop-repressing-the-hurt kind of pain. You know. That kind? Anyway, nice game, Eli.
Winner: Tom...[Read More] | |
4 Replies | 840 Views | | The Championship Diarrhies (Part 1: SD @ NE) | |
Jan 22, 2008 - 2:21 PM - by onemanswarm | San Diego Chargers @ New England Patriots
1:48 p.m. (CST) I arrive at Paulie's, a local establishment specializing in the intoxication of sporting spectators. Seated beside me is my wife, proudly clad in a Green Bay Packers jersey. Yes, I married a Packer fan. It's her only major character flaw. Plus she's from Spread Eagle. You don't get a second chance at something like that.
2:01 CBS kicks off its broadcast with a football montage accompanied by some strange orchestra whose conductor looks exactly like Karl from Die Hard if he rose from the dead and reprised his role as the Maestro in The Money Pit. Yes, I referenced The Money Pit. It's...[Read More] | |
5 Replies | 775 Views | | The Championship Diarrhies (Part 2: NYG @ GB) | |
Jan 22, 2008 - 2:19 PM - by onemanswarm | New York Giants @ Green Bay Packers
5:11 p.m (CST) Fox is broadcasting their pregame show from Lambeau Field, even though the wind chill is witch tits. Howie Long kisses up to the crowd in an Elmer Fudd-inspired trapper hat, while Jimmy Johnson uses a headband to turn his hair into a silky gray umbrella. Curt Menefee eschews protective head gear, even though he has even less hair than Bradshaw. Speaking of Bradshaw, he sports a headband under his felt cap, a combination which makes him look old. Really old. Like, he looks like he's about to start talking to me about Quaker Oats and diabetes old.
5:35 Brett Favre takes the field, turning my wife's birth canal into a...[Read More] | |
1 Reply | 1,022 Views | | The Divisional Payoffs | |
Jan 15, 2008 - 9:31 AM - by onemanswarm | | Seattle Seahawks @ Green Bay Packers
The Hype: Holmgren and Hasselbeck head back to Lambeau to battle Coach Frogface and The Legendary Dust Balls.
Is that snow, or did Brett just ejaculate again?
The Result: The Packers won a blizzard blowout and are one home win away from the Super Bowl, a fact which compelled me to dry heave until there was nothing left but the bitter bile of Bear bankruptcy.
The Headline: Ryan, Grant Me the Serenity
Keys to the Whip:...[Read More] | |
3 Replies | 642 Views | |   |
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